Be clear as to the setting of your song.

"In a bar in Toledo, across from the depot" tells you not only where you are but also suggests the décor. (From “You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucile”)

Toledo is not stylish New York, romantic Paris or trendy Los Angeles; it identifies with lower-middle class working people, or even lower-class than that. Across from the depot tells you that it is in a dirty, commercial district; there is diesel smoke in the air and the smell of oil. You don't want to be there if you don't have a choice.

Here's another, from “The Night the Lights went out on Georgia”:

“He was on his way home from Candletop (a mountain location),
been two weeks gone and thought he'd stop
at Williams and have him a drink 'fore he went home to her.”


This one not only sets the location but also hints at the story. This guy's gone two weeks and before he goes home to “Her”, he has to stop at the bar for a drink. All is not well in their relationship, clearly, and the opening line sets you up for it.

Your song is a three-minute movie. The open line is the opening scene. It tells people what they are in for, gives them the scenery and the feel for the story or the concept of the song.

“We lost the farm when I was nine.
The house and barn went up in flame.
Lightning struck a power line,
So there was no one you could blame.”

This song describes a rural setting: a farm, possibly 20 to 40 years ago. The farm is far enough from town that the power line has to run to the house, open to being hit by lightning and the fire truck will not be coming to put it out. You know where you are with an opening like that.


Let's take a look at a few recent songs by famous people:


Brad Paisley - Online

I work down at the pizza pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5'3 and overweight

I'm a Sci-Fi fanatic
Mild asthmatic
Never been to 2nd base
But there's a whole 'nother me
That you need to see
Go check out MySpace


Brad paints us a clear picture of a loser, driving an old Korean car, delivering pizzas for a place we haven't heard of, living with mom and dad “still” and stereotypically weird.



Montgomery Gentry - Back When I Knew It All


At the ripe old age of nineteen

I bought a short bed pick up chicks machine

life ran on beer and gasoline

a half a lap ahead of the law 

I had a fake ID that got me into "tuffies"

love was a word I used to get lucky

was a big time spender with that plastic money

back when I knew it all

This opening reeks of small-towns, sketching in the typical nineteen-year-old with a pickup and a beer in his hand. The picture makes us smile, especially when he gets to “Back when I knew it all.”




Dierks Bentley - Trying To Stop Your Leaving

Got a guitar

Got a guitar on my back

And I'm standin' on this lonesome railroad track

Train's a comin'

It'll be here 'fore too long

But I don't think I can stop it with a song

Girl that's the kind of way I'm feelin'

Tryin' to stop your leavin'

The picture of the lone picker, guitar on his back, who's “gotta ramble” is so etched into our musical consciousness that it only takes a few words to bring it into focus. “Guitar on back” “Lonesome railroad track” “Tryin' to stop your leavin'” If you strain a little, you can hear a “lonesome whistle blow” and feel the “early mornin' rain”.


Alan Jackson - Good Time

Work, work all week long

Punchin’ that clock from dusk till dawn.

Countin’ the days till Friday night

That’s when all the conditions are right.

For a good time

I need a good time.

Dub in your own work place, wherever you have seen a clock to punch, and you will find people “countin' the days till Friday night.” All of them need a good time, but he opens by giving us the scene from which we want to escape.


Toby Keith - She's a Hottie

She's sittin' by the water where the river gets wide,

think about swimming to the other side,

Got a "Marlboro" Red, and a can of cold "Bud"

toes squished down in the Arkansas mud

You can picture this scene, also the economic status of those involved and the attitude with which they approach life. She would never think to smoke anything but Marlboro Red or drink anything but cold “Bud.” If you put her in Trader Joe's buying “Two Buck Chuck” she would be a different person. Put her at Starbucks getting a double decaf soy latte with extra foam, and you have a totally different person.


Tim McGraw - Kristofferson

I just walked in and you were gone

To your Mama's I suppose

It looks like you won't be back so I thought you ought to know

I found that note you left today it only took you half a page

I'm gonna grab my old guitar take a pencil from the jar and fill in the empty space

That it is a man singing, saying “you were gone” followed by “to your Mama's” instantly paints a picture of a smallish house or apartment with the closet open and hangers dangling empty on the bar. That she left a not just confirms your worst fears.



Keith Anderson - I Still Miss You

I've changed the presets in my truck

so those old songs don't sneak up

they still find me and remind me

yeah you come back that easy

try restaurants I've never been to

order new things off the menu

that I never tried cause you didn't like


He says “truck” in the first line. Not my “car,” not my “vehicle” and not even “on my radio,” but “in my truck.” Next, he tries new restaurants. Clearly they were not living together. So, he eats in restaurants, drives a truck and is trying to forget someone. A good start.

You see, the opening lines tell the listener where he is and what is happening. He knows his surroundings by the end of the first verse and so can make sense of the chorus. If you don't let the listener know where he is, other lines may not make sense. If it doesn't make sense, he doesn't understand it and tries to figure it out. By the time he gives up trying to figure it out, you have sung another verse and chorus and the song is almost over. He gives up listening and goes back to the conversation he had started. That's when the “chat level” goes up in the place where you are playing.

So instead of saying, 

“She picked a lousy place to decide
that she didn't want to be married anymore.”

Try saying instead:
“At a bar in Toledo, across from the depot,
On a barstool, she took off her ring.”

Tell the audience where they are and you will write hits.


Jon Batson
www.jonbatson.com
Author of The Songwriter's Hook Book at www.cdbaby.com/jonbatson3.